How To Recover After Cheating And Affair

By SpotCheater On July 14, 2009 Under Wife Cheating
How To Recover After Cheating And Affair

When you find out your husband or wife has been cheating on you, your brain reacts in same fashion as the brain of a drug addict who no longer has access to drug. In your case the “drug” is the love and attachment of your husband or wife. Cheating has now compromised that love and due to this your brain is facing a serious conflict. As your brain is trying to adjust to new situation, you are experiencing similar withdrawal symptoms as a drug addict, when the brain is trying to adjust to sudden change in availability of “drug”.

It has been shown that after finding out about cheating or affair there are changes in the concentration of critical biochemical compounds in brain which are related to regulation of mood. These substances include dopamine, serotonin and endorphins. Same substances are involved in development of clinical depression and anxiety disorder.

If you are constantly thinking about the matters related to affair and cheating, the neuronal networks in your brain related to these memories will be strengthened and eventually the thoughts and unpleasant memories related to cheating will occupy your mind biggest part of the day, making it hard to concentrate on your work and other things in your life. If you do not do anything to interrupt the flow of negative thoughts, you might end up being seriously depressed.

Human brain is much more flexible than one would think. You can actively influence the way your brain works after you found out about cheating or affair. It has been shown that it is possible to “teach” brain to get rid of different kinds of phobias or to block the sensation of pain. In same manner you can “teach” your brain to let go of painful thoughts related to cheating. If you understand the reasons for your painful feelings you are able to control them better and you will recover faster after finding out about cheating.

To find out more about these topics and to get support and advice regarding cheating, mind control and forgetting the memory of cheating, visit There you find information that will help you to heal faster and regain your mental balance and happiness.

Watch the video related to wife cheating

The Nevada Republican senator acknowledges affair with former staff member.

Help answer the question about wife cheating

i just caught my wife cheating on me. She is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. How do I cope?
She has cheated with a cop in our town, all the while convincing me to be his friend. She also says he assaulted her. She has cheated with several people, in parking lots and storage buildings.

She has since been diagnosed with BPD.

What is the BPD, and what is just cheating? I do love her and want to work it out, but I don't want to be a sucker, either.

About Author

I am currently doing research in the field of behavioral sciences and neuroscience. My special interest is biological basis of emotions related to cheating, mistrust, insecurity, narcissism and other problems in a relationship. To find out more about these topics and to get support and advice, visit my homepage

17 Comments Add yours

  1. zimNvgcatsfan
    July 14, 2009
    11:05 am

    That’s one disfunctional news team.

  2. Amanda
    July 14, 2009
    11:37 am

    Seems like everyone wants to offer their advise as to whether or not you should stay with the unfaithful one and that wasn't your question.

    "There are those who will tell you why it is wise to never forget the pain of the past. . . but if you look closely at the anger, sorrow, and bitterness that has hardened their faces, then you will also see why learning to forgive is the better of the two paths." -Guy Finley

    Recovery starts with FORGIVENESS.

    Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

    There is nothing that in the end, cannot be forgiven,
    but there remains much that is inexcusable.

    Forgiving does not mean you will automatically trust them again Forgiveness and trust are two separate issues. Even after forgiveness, it may take a long time to re-build trust, if ever. To instantly trust someone again after they have violated you in some way is not a sign of good mental health or strong self-esteem.

    Good luck ~ Mark

  3. MichaelSedrak
    July 14, 2009
    12:05 pm


    I said how’s it going..

    hahaha my favorite too:)

  4. Amanda Mae
    July 14, 2009
    12:06 pm

    I think so, but why the affair happened has to be dealt with honestly. I think most people cheat because they are seeking affection and respect. In a marriage or long-term relationship people begin to take each other for granted. If both parties can openly communicate about what they are truly feeling and link how those feeling led to infidelity, then I think it is possible to recover from the affair. It is a long and difficult road. Being brutally honest is very difficult for most people.

  5. worrywart
    July 14, 2009
    12:58 pm
  6. mattie6511
    July 14, 2009
    3:28 pm

    yeah, no shit he suspects something! hahaha

  7. RXdash78
    July 14, 2009
    5:47 pm

    Muslim suicide bomber are supposed to shout Allah ackbar (God is great) when the kill themselves.

    Apparently the chopper guy was a bit confused.

  8. supremyecy1
    July 15, 2009
    5:53 am

    Good for you. Keep up the good work. You're proof that there's life after divorce.

  9. dude15697
    July 15, 2009
    5:56 am

    Why the hell did he say “Admiral Ackbar”?

  10. LahLahLove
    July 15, 2009
    12:26 pm

    You should not get involved – This is a no-win situation for you. Just remember that your mom loves you, even if she is doing this. I'm sorry you have to go through it, but there is nothing you can do that won't make it worse.

  11. mattie6511
    July 15, 2009
    12:38 pm

    yeah, no shit he suspects something!! hahahaha

  12. Mrs. Clemons
    July 16, 2009
    2:49 am

    Your husband is treating you as a subordinate, not an equal. He forgot that in a marriage the WE is more important than the ME. Many of the same kinds of issues happened in my 16 year marriage, and after fighting to keep it for three years I finally had to file for divorce. However, he only had an emotional affair; he was still committed enough to you to both confess the emotional affair and draw a line that he did not cross. Based on my experience, I recommend the following:
    First, see a family counselor yourself, without your husband. The counselor can help you deal with your feelings, help you learn how to talk to him. It sounds like he's just not listening right now, and you can't make him listen. However, you need someone to talk to that can help you sort out your feelings and decide whether working on it is even a good thing to try. By the time I did that, and everything was put in perspective, I had wasted a couple of years.
    Second, try not to encourage disagreements. Set aside time to talk to him without distractions, and avoid strong language and too much emotion. Everytime my wife and I talked one of us would cry or yell or cuss. If you can get him to open up, repeat what he says back to you and encourage him to do the same. For example, "I hear you saying that you value you "me time," and I would think that makes you feel independent." In time, you two will have the emotional intimacy where he will see how badly his conduct is making you feel. The point of this is to develop your own emotional intimacy.
    The habits he has took a long time to develop, and are not going to be cured immediately just because he says he'll try. You probably have some habits he doesn't like, but either he's not telling you or you aren't hearing them. The two of you need to develop trusting and confidential ommunications skills without judging. It's trust building exercise and requires constant effort.
    By the way, you feel betrayed and mistrustful because of the emotional affair. It will take at least a year to get over this mistrust, and some will linger for even longer. It will take great maturity on your part to work through this and keep your marriage together, because at the same time he'll be saying "why don't you trust me" and you'll have to fight back the tendency to get mad and say "because you already cheated once you moron." If you beat this challenge, it must be together, and it must be with greater effort on your part.

  13. IBrowseThisWebsite
    July 16, 2009
    7:39 am

    The very first rule of live newscasts: Make sure your cell phone is turned off.

  14. GuitarAntiHeroe
    July 16, 2009
    9:43 am

    LMAO Timmy

  15. klankomcgeger
    July 16, 2009
    10:06 am

    admiral ackbar!!

  16. supremyecy1
    July 17, 2009
    3:41 am

    Good for you!!! Best of luck to you!

  17. chimster66
    July 17, 2009
    6:26 am

    depends allot on if it were one mistake that happened once and just about sex, or if it were a full blown covered up, planned and plotted thing that required thought, choices, and it went on awhile. depends on his level of remorse, and willingness to talk about what went wrong. and knows and is willing to make u understand that he knows what he did hurt u. sometimes the pain won't allow u to go back in a marriage. but 20 yrs is a long time, but once dignity is also at stake here. u never forget it, if it was a full blown affair it would be much harder to get past. because u know that they chose the other woman over u.

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